heathicorn:

am i the only one who rehearses things i might say in advance? and I don’t mean like my theoretical oscars acceptance speech i mean like what i’ll say to the pizza guy when I answer the door in my pjs

peggyleads:

legolastouchedthebutt:

nayx:

making my way downtown oh my fucking god where am i

image

#that should not have been as funny as it was

lampghost:

dont hate the player, hate the controller, this shit is broken i swear to god i jumped bro

foxnewsofficial:

cumomelet:

a riddle:

a man is driving his son to school. they get into an accident and the man dies. the son is rushed to the hospital and when he arrives for emergency surgery the doctor says “i cant operate on this boy, he is my son!” how is this possible?

omg one time our english teacher told us this to try and show what a modern thinker he was and we were all like “it’s a woman” and he was like oh wow i thought he was gay i hadn’t thought of that

neptunain:

what if you tried to call off of work and you are just like “im sick today” and your boss was like “i know dude you’re one of the sickest bros here” and you were like “no i mean it im ill” and your boss says “yeah you the illest” 

johannathemad:

schrodingersvet:

crab-cakes:

mukuroikusaba:

image

I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE WHAT I AM SEEING

I lied. This is it. This is the whole series.

How the fuck has no one made a comic to this yet

brttny32194:

but why do i say “i know” to my pets when they make noises. im lying to them. i don’t know anything.

sossidge:

me 11:59 September 30th

image

me 12:00 October 1st

image

alpha-toothless:

rhinse:

crushes are terrible

image

thedoctorwriter:

cosplay-in-the-usa:

cosplay-in-the-usa:

Sometimes
You try so hard to take care of everyone else
That you forget to take care of yourself

But sometimes,

Someone changes everything.

bringing this back.

Ooooooh